HAT'S THE BEST MEDICINE

In addition to tHAT natural high tHAT comes from putting on your hat, should you actually get a cold, take your toddy to bed, put one of your favorite hats at the foot, and drink until you see two."  Not only does it cure your cold, you now have an extra hat :>).

(With liberties and thanks to Robert Bruce, British author, diplomat, and journalist, and Kay Killen, Founder and President of The Hat Society).

HATS AT THE HOSPITAL

If you love wearing hats, do NOT leave them (h)at home when you go to visit someone in the hospital.  I guarantee, it will lift tHAT person's spirits...and the spirits of staff and other patients.  Remember, when you look good, you feel good.  And when you feel good, it's contagious!!!!  Spread it around.

And if tHAT person you hatpen to be visiting also loves hats, bring along a hat for them.  In all probability, they haven't been feeling too pretty; wHAT a difference it will make to their hatitude!

Then there was The Hat Lady who needed surgery around Halloween.  wHAT did she do?  She brought along a witch's hat...and wore it right up to the Operating Room doors...bringing smiles and laughter to everyone, including herself!

HATS CAN WORK AS A CURE-ALL

(with more than a nod to Sam Waxman)

A return to wearing hats (and we're not talking about "caps") would solve many of the country's economic problems.  Before President Kennedy (unfairly) turned Americans away from hats, there was a hatter on every street corner.  Now we're lucky to find a small counter at a department store.  If more people wore hats, hatters would crop up like mushrooms after a strong rainstorm.  The unemployed could seek jobs in those new stores, thereby putting millions of Americans back to work.

Hats would also improve the collective health of the nation.  From a very young age, everyone's Mother told him 90% of body heat escapes through the head.  During the winter months, little children go to school wearing mittens and hats.  Yet, as mature adults, we think we are above wearing the fuzzy felt creation preventing us from taking ill during the freezing months.  If more people wore hats, less Americans would catch the common cold.  Thus the government would save billions of dollars in research grants to study colds tHAT no one would catch anymore.  tHAT money could then be used in more productive areas.

Romantic situations would be far more interesting if more people wore hats.  We al remember James Bond's amazing skill of throwing his hat on the coat rack to the great enjoyment of Ms. Monepenny.  People would have something other than the weather to make small talk about; they could comment on the interesting hat their date is wearing.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, hats are the salvation of our planet.  Fewer people would have colds, so fewer tissues would be used; the environment would be saved.  Because Americans would be spending less on cold medicine, they would have more money for other areas of consumer spending, thereby boosting the economy.

Hats have provided us with some of our greatest role models.  Firemen and policemen wear hats, as does Smokey the Bear.  Children would have appropriate hat-wearing role models to look up to.  Hats, therefore, would promote family values and social stability.

Two final thoughts about the accessory I revere: Indiana Jones risked his life to save his hat.  Humphrey Bogart wore hats.  'nuff said!